Today, we continue to learn how to help people with eating disorders.
“Empower those facing eating disorders by offering them knowledge, support, and professional guidance; these three resources can pave the way toward recovery and self-compassion.“
Specifically, today, we are focusing on nonthreatening exercises.
What’s a nonthreatening exercise?
A nonthreatening exercise is designed for someone in the pre-contemplation stage.
This terminology, “pre-contemplation,” comes from the “Stages of Change” behavioral change model.
One aspect of this behavior change model is that we recognize people are not ready to change sometimes.
If you have ever tried to convince an alcoholic to stop drinking and were unsuccessful, it’s because this person was in the “pre-contemplation” or “contemplation” stages.
And the same effect can occur with eating disorders…
Often, people with eating disorders don’t know how to ask for help.
So instead of ‘getting’ someone to change, doing an intervention …
You can use nonthreatening exercises instead.
The downside to a non-threatening exercise is that the person might not take action after you do it. But that’s okay. In this approach, we are being patient.
Hopefully, the person won’t retract, either. They’ll be willing to talk with you again and more open to the idea that they have resources around them and can get help.
Real quick, let me make something very clear:
If a person with an eating disorder goes through the following exercises, our goal is NOT for them to take action.
This person is probably not ready to take action just yet. Our goal instead is to get the person talking about their struggles simply.
Once a person talks about their eating struggles, you just have to be patient—be more patient than you ever have in your life.
Don’t give advice. Instead, keep the person’s attention and memory on the resource lists you can create in this nonthreatening exercise.
Remember, this person has a thousand thoughts flying through their head. They need a place to feel safe”.
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Using “Resource Lists” As A Helpful Way To Admit Eating Disorder Struggles
This means that often, you need to give this person resources so they feel more comfortable and secure and open up about their struggles with food.
Here are three types of resources you can bring up in discussion in a nonthreatening way:
1 – Internal Resources – emotional, cognitive, spiritual, relational, psychological, creative, physical
2 – Identify Unhelpful Resources – hypervigilance, lashing out, running away, shutting down, disconnecting, cutting off from feelings and needs, overeating, working too hard, staying busy, trying to be perfect
3 – External Resources – emotional, relational, cognitive, psychological, material, spiritual
How To Help People With Eating Disorders Context:
Having a conversation about internal and external resources is always pretty safe.
You might need to call the person over and have a sit-down chat with the person.
Usually, there might be some defensiveness at the beginning of the conversation that’s almost unavoidable.
Yet these resource lists are an exercise that isnonthreateningg!
Going through these lists will get a person warmed up to see how much support they have around them.
As people get used to the idea that they are safe, they will not be teased, and if they are, they will be judged.
Then, the person can move from a pre-contemplation stage to an action stage. This is a gradual conversation tip on how to help people with eating disorders!
Terminology Of Nonthreatening Resource Exercise
The actual usefulness here is exploring the variety of internal and external categories.
Down below, there is a list of both internal and external resources that can be discussed.
I’d recommend creating a list of these resources so that they are readily accessible in times of darkness.
Before giving the lists of internal and external resources, let’s discuss survival strategies.
This terminology is used later on in the exercise.
Survival strategies are unskilled ways. They are remnants of our childhood as children who didn’t know how to soothe ourselves or to take a different perspective. These are some of the reasons it’s behavior – not sugar addiction – that leads to food addiction.
So, we learned to manage our emotions by perhaps overeating or lashing out.
The conversation around survival strategies can be trickier. If you start talking about survival strategies, I’d recommend a light, joking tone.
When you use a light tone, you might say things like”ke –
“Oh my gosh, just the other day, I coped with stress at work by eating a whole bag of popcocouldn’tuldn’t believe it – but at least I enjoyed “myself.”
A light, nonserious approach to survival strategy is essential because we can all admit these strategies don’t work. Yet, if we are judged after acknowledging that our survival strategies don’t work, we will shut down.
As long as aren’tn’t being criticized, most people can open up and identify that they might be using these strategies even if they are helpful.
So,reviewh these three lists and develop a few ideas for each.
To use these lists, just talk with someone (or do it yourself) and brainstorm ideas for each category and sub-category.
This alone is a a beneficialxercise!
Though, the key is to have these lists available when you are going through a hard time. Or, if you are learning how to help people with eating disorders, then for this person to have a hard copy available in hard times.
Then, when you are struggling with a complex emotion, follow these two steps:
STEP 1. Remind yourself of a few internal and external resources at your disposal. Notice how you feel when you highlight your resources. Read the lists!
STEP 2. Flood your feeling self with hopeful thoughts. Notice how you feel when you practice optimism. Read the lists aloud to start flooding your feeling self!
Here are some examples of Internal Resources:
EMOTIONAL
•Access to uplifting emotions (joy, excitement, inspiration, passion)
•Access to calming emotions (contentment, peacefulness, tranquility)
•Emotional endurance — the ability to tolerate unpleasant emotions and move through them
•Ability to identify how emotions present in your body as sensations
•Ability to regulate and manage emotions and sensations and allow them to guide you
•Access to gut senses and intuitive hunches
•Ability to communicate and express emotions
•Ability to perceive others’ emotions and their body language
•Capacity for experiencing connecting emotions (sympathy, empathy, compassion)
COGNITIVE
•Ability to focus and pay attention
•Ability to understand and comprehend
•Skills to read, study, and learn
•Ability to solve problems and work things out
•Ability to store and retrieve memories
•Capacity for thinking creatively
•Access to intellect and brilliance
RELATIONAL
•Ability to be a team player
•Skill to be cooperative and accommodating
•Ability to value relationships
•Feeling worthy of relationships
•Good conversationalist
•Friendliness
•Playfulness
•Warmth
•Caring
•Love of animals
PSYCHOLOGICAL
•Solid sense of self
•Good self-esteem; confidence
•Sense of competency and mastery
•Even-keeled nature
•Openness
•Flexibility
•Ability to hold hope; optimism
•Resilience
•Tenacity; persistence
•Determination; drive
•Ability to recognize needs
•Skill to assert and drive yourself
•Ability to envision goals; growth-oriented
•Ability to delay gratification
•Willingness to be uncomfortable with meeting goals
•Ability to set limits and boundaries
•Access to insight, wisdom, and a supportive inner voice
•Sense of humor
•Curiosity
•Courage
SPIRITUAL
•Ability to connect to “higher self” “or any form “of spiritual guide
•Enjoyment of spiritual or religious, faith-based practices and teachings
•Ability to connect to spiritual energy
•Ability to follow wisdom practices
•Uplifting sense of awe in nature
•Clairvoyance or transpersonal capacities
CREATIVE
•Access to the creative process through acting, beading, building, crafts, cooking, dance, decorating, design, drawing, gardening, making jewelry, knitting, music, needlepoint, poetry, quilting, sewing, sculpting, visual arts, writing, or any other creative pursuits
PHYSICAL
•Sturdy constitution
•Good health
•Productivity
•Industriousness
•High energy
•Good endurance
•Fitness — solid and toned muscles, strength, and flexibility
•Beauty or handsomeness
•Ability to connect with your body and pay attention to sensations and senses
•Enjoyment of sensual and sexual activities
•Capacities such as playing sports, dancing, running, walking, hiking, swimming, and climbing
Here are some examples of Survival Resources:
COPING WITH DIFFICULT CAREGIVERS
•Ability to predict caregivers’ mocaregivers’aviors
•Ability to discern caregivers’ necaregivers’l to please and accommodate caregivers
•Ability to take care of caregivers and other family members
•Hypervigilance: looking out for abusive behavior
•Lashing out or acting out
•Throwing tantrums
•Getting into trouble
•Staying away
•Running away
•Using aggression and violence
SHUTTING DOWN
•Escaping into books, music, art, activities, fantasy, and so on
•Withdrawing or isolating
•Creating imaginary friends
•Avoiding contact
•Cutting off from feelings and needs
•Hiding aspects of yourself
•Using drugs or alcohol
•Overeating, undereating, or stopping eating
•Oversleeping
•Harming your body
•Disconnecting from yourself (dissociation)
EXCELLING AND OVERDOING
•Getting good grades
•Taking on leadership roles
•Being a superstar in the family
•Staying busy
•Trying to be perfect
•Being a know-it-all
•Taking on many extracurricular activities
•Driving yourself hard
•Focusing on externals: looks, things, money, accomplishments, and so on •Getting attention for excelling at various activities
Here are some examples of External Resources:
EMOTIONAL
•Family and friends
•Life partner
•Companion animals
•Journaling; therapy
•Movies, television, books, and music
•Podcasts and videos
•Hot baths
•Comfortable clothing
•Comfortable places
RELATIONAL
•Family and friends
•Life partner
•Companion animals
•Neighbors
•Colleagues
•Support groups
•Paid professionals (but be careful)
•Community members
•Group activities
•Activity buddies
COGNITIVE
•Classes, lessons
•Libraries
•Study groups
•Books and audio courses
•Online programs
•Games and puzzles
•Educational Television
•Radio programs
PSYCHOLOGICAL
•Therapy, counseling, and coaching
•Seminars and workshops
•Books and workbooks
•Support groups
•Community programs
•Online programs
•Nature
MATERIAL
•Sources of income: job or investments
•Financial support
•A home
•Appliances and tools
•A car or alternative transportation
•Clothing
•Material goods
•Grocery stores and restaurants
SPIRITUAL
•Spiritual community and facilities
•Religious or spiritual mentors
•Spiritual instruction and guidance
•Ceremonies and rituals
•Spiritual books and recordings
CREATIVE
•Art and craft supplies and tools
•Cooking and baking supplies and tools
•Musical instruments
•Computers, MP3 and DVD players
•Classes, lessons, and groups
•Creative companions
•Community facilities
•Museums and galleries
•Theaters
Please note these nonon-threatening exercises will not solve the overall problem of eating disorders. Of course not. But they can get you started.
