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By learning to eat mindfully, you can free yourself from unhealthy patterns and discover a path where nourishment meets joy.

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Through its thoughtful tracking features, the app empowers you to make conscious choices and cultivate a harmonious relationship with food, paving the way for lasting well-being.

Notice how these thoughts get progressively worse. You begin with the simple idea, “I don’t know what to eat,” and you think you’re an utter mess and failure.

No wonder food decisions can be so stressful! Your self-esteem is on the line!

You have food preferences, too, but these preferences get clouded over by your thoughts. It’s like taking a clean glass of water and mixing it with dirt. You can’t see through once it’s dirty!

Ideally, our food preferences are as easy to understand as this clear water metaphor as they are for some people. But if we panic when we think, “I don’t know what to eat,” then this means our thinking is the equivalent of dirty water. 

In this post today, we’ll examine the following:

• Why Food Decisions Are Confusing (Where The Dirt Comes From)
• How To Avoid The Most Common Pitfalls Which Prevent Food Preferences
• 3 Questions To Make Food Decisions (How To Clear The Dirt Away)

Please note that food decisions are a critical part of the Eating Enlightenment philosophy, not least because we must understand how our subconscious beliefs affect our food-making decisions. 

The first step in working with our beliefs is to become aware of what we believe. Then, we can use this awareness to take appropriate action. 

The first two sections of this blog explore limiting beliefs and their sources, and the final section explores practical steps.

Why Food Decisions Are Confusing (Where The Dirt Comes From)

Before you beat yourself for being indecisive, please realize our society’s food authorities are indecisive. 

People who are supposed to tell us what to eat keep changing their minds!

For example, consider eggs—you know, good old-fashioned eggs. They’re great for scrambling and easy to eat over toast or chicken eggs. 

In the 1950s, eggs were an American staple. There were scrambled eggs for breakfast, egg sandwiches for lunch, and deviled eggs for appetizers. 

Some twenty-odd years later, in the 1970s, some scientists started studying cholesterol. They concluded that eggs had high cholesterol and, therefore, were terrible. 

No more eggs, they said, “Stop eating eggs. Eggs have high cholesterol and will give you a heart attack.” 

But starting in the 2010s, some other scientists studying cholesterol now say there are two types of cholesterol: good and bad. Eggs have cholesterol, yes, but it’s the suitable type. 

So, eggs are back in. But who knows, maybe some other scientists in the future will figure out another classification, and eggs will be back to being wrong again. 

This constant confusion and switching of messages is like pouring dirt into clear water. 

Maybe your natural food preferences were for eggs, and you had no problem. But then you were told eggs were terrible, so you questioned your food preferences. 

This doubt is like the dirt that can get into our minds when we only listen to external authorities and never, or hardly ever, heed our inner wisdom. 

Plus, dirt can arise when we never disobey the nutritional authorities. Eat this, eat that, and this, and this, and this. If we try to be perfect, we’ll end up getting tied up in knots!

Our inner wisdom has to be able to clear through some of that cutter. If we don’t have some inner wisdom guide, it’s not just eggs that will confuse us. 

Here are some other foods that have gone from good to bad and back to sound again:

• Carbohydrates
• Avocados
• Fruit
• Dairy (still considered ‘bad’ in the present moment)
• Oils
• Nuts

Vegetables have been the only food group that has stayed universally ‘good.’ 

Is this your experience, too? Let me know in the comment section below. 

American Authorities Say You Need To Eat XYZ To Be Good And Healthy, But Then They Change The Yardstick

The other day, I believe I saw a mother lure her child with candy and then take it away. Her child was very unhappy, and it nearly broke my heart watching the scene unfold. 

(In hindsight I perhaps should have said something, but admittedly I did not.)

I was walking through the aisles wearing my facemask when I saw a mother holding out some candy to her child. 

The child smiled with glee … but then she yanked the candy back and waggled her finger. The poor kid began to cry. Then the Mom yelled at her child!

(GR. It makes me mad just thinking about it right now.)

You can have it, you can’t have it, you’re in trouble.

Isn’t that a pattern of how American food authorities treat us?

Eat this to be healthy, don’t eat that. Then they change the rules, and we’re still unhealthy!

So there’s so much food confusion, and it’s no wonder we feel confused and angry. 

The authorities keep changing the rules! They pour dirt into the water and mix it all around so nobody can see anything!

But can you see the solution?

The solution, first of all, is NOT to play their game!

At Eating Enlightenment, we believe that scientific nutrition information is important. However, we can’t rely totally on it because there is so much confusion. 

We must also hone our body’s natural wisdom and intuition to make food decisions. 

If we can calm down and listen to our bodies, we’ll be able to navigate through food chaos and confusion and consider our health as well. 

We’ll be able to take dirty water and make it clean again. 

How To Avoid The Most Common Pitfalls Which Prevent Food Preferences

There are few things which prevent the water from becoming clear. One example is the image above.

You do NOT need to have your peas lined up perfectly in order to eat them! And the same with any other food!

Let’s remember that ideally, our relationship with food is clear like clear water. I’m sure you have a friend who has a normal, easy relationship with food. 

• This person can go to a party and not worry. 
• If they overeat, it’s not a big deal
• Once this person is done eating, they stop thinking about food 

Yet, food confusion is common, too. Food confusion is like scientists constantly changing their health standards. When this happens, the water of your food preferences or relationship with food becomes dirty.

(I use food preferences and food relationships synonymously. If we clearly understand our preferences, our food relationship will be peaceful. If we have a good relationship with food, we’ll be able to listen to our preferences)

At this point, I need to introduce the idea of a ‘subconscious food belief.’ 

Remember that child in the supermarket I told you about earlier? Whose mom gave and took away candy?

Do you think this child will have a normal relationship with candy?

I bet on Halloween, that kid is going to binge-eat Halloween candy. Maybe she’ll end up purging too. I bet this kid will struggle with candy for a long time. 

(If this incident in the supermarket were just incidental, no long-term damage would be done. However, I suspect this mom’s behavior was probably part of a pattern she had with her child)

This kid will struggle with food because she has developed subconscious beliefs that limit her food decisions. 

These are the beliefs she learned from her mother as a child, and now she believes them without even knowing it!

When this kid binges on Halloween candy, the kid will be ignorant. She will think she lost control, right?

She won’t consciously think, “I binged on Halloween candy because I developed a subconscious limiting belief that my mom taught me. My mom taught me that candy was unreliable and that if I did get my hands on candy, I would have to eat it right away before my mom took it away.

The bolded words in the previous sentence exemplify the subconscious limiting beliefs this child developed.

While I don’t know the exact beliefs this child specifically developed, I can tell you that based on my experience working at an eating disorder clinic as well as helping 100+ individual clients, some shared subconscious limiting beliefs are:

• I need to get this food perfect, or I’ll fail
• I am fat and hopeless
• Food doesn’t make any sense

The critical factor is that 99% of the time, these beliefs are hidden from conscious awareness. The person thinking these beliefs doesn’t know they are thinking these beliefs.

These limiting beliefs are the dirt that makes the water dirty.

At this point, I’d like to discuss the dirt with you in further detail and examine it more closely.

We know that dirty water is obscuring our body’s natural wisdom. But what color is the dirt? What texture is the dirt? 

The more information we have about what’s blocking us, the easier it is to let go of these blockages.

Stepping away from the dirty water metaphor, here are some common characteristics of these subconscious limiting beliefs.

1. Self-Esteem – your self-worth is dependent upon what you eat
2. Perfectionism – your self-worth is dependent upon eating “correctly.”

We can learn these beliefs from the food authorities who constantly change their ‘science’ about which foods are good and which are bad.

We can also learn these beliefs from irresponsible parents or even well-intentioned parents!

For years, dieting and intentional weight loss were considered normal. Of course, now we know these things backfire, but countless parents lovingly wanted their children to diet. It’s pretty sad looking back 🙁

Diet and wellness programs also espouse these beliefs, and each new diet program or cleanse gives you a different set of good and bad foods. We don’t just learn limiting beliefs from parents; diet programs also play a role.

What happens once all these subconscious contradictory beliefs are in place? It’s all very confusing to our minds, and we can easily develop subconsciously limiting food beliefs if we don’t learn to think for ourselves.

Stop Tying Food To Your Self-Esteem And Perfectionism

Self-esteem and perfectionism are common pitfalls that prevent people from expressing their food preferences. While I separate them into two categories, they are often indistinguishable.

Self-esteem and perfectionism are the dirt in the clear water, obscuring your natural wisdom.

These are the real reasons why making food decisions can be so tricky. Let’s look at two scenarios when you think, “I don’t know what to eat.”

Scenario 1) “I don’t know what to eat, but no big deal. I’ll listen to my gut to figure out what I’m approximately hungry for, and I know that my stomach will also give me information on how much food to eat. I’ll also consider when I’ll next be able to eat, and I know that if I make any mistakes, it’s no big deal. It’ll be fine.

Scenario 2) “I don’t know what to eat, and I have no clue what to eat. I have no idea, and I can’t think of anything. I always find myself in this predicament! Why does nothing sound good right now? I’m agitated! I don’t know what to do when I feel this way.”

Can you tell the difference?

In the second scenario, the person freaks out instead of calming, “approximating” what they want. 

The second person believes they must be perfect to be worthy of love, and their self-esteem is tied to perfection.

–For these people, being less than perfect is NOT acceptable. Any small mistakes or errors are NOT tolerable. Perfection is mandatory; anything less means you’re unworthy of love.

And guess what? Perfection is impossible, especially around food. 

Whenever food decisions are involved, there is no perfection. There are only guesses, guidelines, and approximations.

So, when the second person thinks, “I don’t know what to eat right now,” deep down, this person knows that perfection is out of reach. 

They’ve been in this situation before of not knowing what to eat, and they’ve tried every mechanism of making a perfect decision: following the diet, measuring out the calories, and eating only healthy foods.

But it’s never worked. 

The subconscious limiting beliefs about food ruin the second person’s relationship with food. 

A Safe Relationship With Food Is Ok With Imperfection

And let’s talk about this word ‘approximating’, real quick, because it represents a key difference in mindset. 

Being okay with approximating means you are OK with imperfection.

Your friend, who is normal around food in situation 1, is okay and feels safe approximating. When this person feels their stomach, they can approximate what they think would satisfy their stomach. 

This person thinks, “I don’t know what to eat, so I’ll make a good guess, and everything will be fine.”

The other person thinks, “I don’t know what to eat, and I must be perfect!” This idea puts much pressure on the person, and they panic.

Therefore, to properly help someone who never knows what to eat, you must first address the limiting beliefs. 

You have to switch any limiting food beliefs:

• Perfection Belief: I need to know exactly what to eat 
• Imperfection Belief: It’s ok not knowing what exactly to eat

• Perfection Belief: If I don’t eat perfectly healthy, then it isn’t terrific
• Imperfection Belief: Even if I eat unhealthy, I’m still worthy of love. My food choices have very little to do with my self-esteem.

• Perfection Belief: I need to be perfect around food
• Imperfection Belief: I can be flexible around food

Now, let’s return to our dirty water metaphor. 

These beliefs around food are the dirt in the water. 

Now, I wish beliefs were easy to remove or change. But beliefs are often ingrained in our minds, and it’s difficult to change them. 

So we have a cup of dirty water right now, and we can’t just suck the dirt out of the water. The dirt and the water are all mixed up right now. 

You can’t separate the dirt from the water.

However, you can let the dirt settle to the bottom of the glass. Then, you can carefully pour the water out into a new cup and drink some fresh water.

In food decision-making terms, we need to stay calm and prevent our limiting beliefs about food from activating. 

A big part of being calm is allowing for imperfection. Food isn’t supposed to be perfect or exactly measured. 

It’s okay to guess how much food you need and to make mistakes if you eat too much or too little. If you can stay calm and not fall into a cycle of guilt, you’ll make it through.

The thought, “I don’t know what to eat,” is normal, but it’s how you react to it that matters.

3 Questions To Make Food Decisions (How To Clear The Dirt Away So You Don’t Think “I Don’t Know What To Eat” In Panic)

It can be helpful to have a flexible approach to food to stay calm and feel safe. 

If we can stay calm and feel safe, the dirt will naturally settle, and we’ll make wiser decisions because we can see clearly.

Here are three groups of questions you can ask to determine if you are thinking flexibly to stay calm and safe:

1. Safely Feeling What You Feel: What is my stomach wanting? What are my emotions wanting? Am I willing to face uncertainty? Do I feel any pressure to be perfect or make the ideal decision?
   
2. Safely Making Food Guesses: If I am physically hungry, am I willing to listen to my food preferences? Food preferences can be taste, texture, smell, or intuition. Am I willing to try a few bites of the food I might want to eat? Am I allowing myself to be imperfect around food, or do I feel that I need to be 100% perfect?
   1. Am I under any time constraint?

3. Safely Making Emotional Decisions: If emotional needs aren’t met, can I care for myself before turning to food? If I still want food after I take care of myself, can I eat mindfully? Is it ok to prioritize taking care of emotional needs? Or do I feel that any sign of needing rest is a sign of failure and weakness?

The key is to feel safe. There are numerous other synonyms for safe, such as unrushed, calm, and relaxed. 

These aren’t totally separate groups of questions, either. You can be physically hungry and need to take care of yourself emotionally. We don’t want to get into a fixed, limited mindset, as that is similar to the perfectionistic mindset we are trying to avoid!

Furthermore, some emotional eating is normal. We don’t want to rely only on food to manage our feelings. 

I’ll break these questions down below, which will help you understand when and how to meet your physical hunger and emotional needs. But just know that as you walk through these steps, the intention is simply to feel safe. 

I want to emphasize that these questions can be used as a framework when you make eating decisions. You don’t have to follow precisely these steps. If following these steps seems confusing, just forget about them and remember the intention behind them.

(I firmly believe that emotions, intentions, and actions go together. It’s a critical part of intuitive eating.)

The intention behind the questions is to make you feel safe, calm down, and not think you have to get things perfect.

Overall, we want to break free from a perfectionist mindset. But if we think we must do these steps perfectly, we maintain the old belief!

So, we need to keep the idea of safety in mind as we practice using these 3 steps whenever we get upset and think, “I don’t know what to eat!” 

Yes, it takes time and practice. But this is the key to overcoming our limiting beliefs and discerning the nuances between emotional and physical hunger. 

Then, these 3 questions can help you stay calm and flexible towards your approach.

In other words, these three steps will help you let the dirt settle. 

Instead of accidentally stirring up the dirt and making the water dirtier, which is what would happen if you got flustered because you thought you needed to be perfect. 

With that being said, let’s take a closer look at each of the three steps: 

Step 1) Safely Feeling What You Feel

• What is my stomach wanting*? 
• What are my emotions wanting*? 
• Am I willing to face uncertainty? Do I feel any pressure to be perfect or make the perfect decision?

*Physical hunger or wanting refers to having growling in your stomach, whereas emotional needs or wanting refers to being too lonely, upset, stressed, angry, and needing to take care of your emotional needs somehow.*

When we ignore our emotional needs, we turn to food to meet them, which can cause a lot of food confusion because we aren’t sure whether we are eating for physical or emotional reasons!

This first step is about noticing your feelings regarding your stomach and emotions.

Please be sure to allow yourself a few moments to settle into your feelings. Feelings are not like data, which can be transferred instantly, like email. It takes time for feelings to come into focus. 

So chill out for a few moments. See what your stomach is feeling. Take a look at what your emotions are doing. 

It can be difficult to separate whether you are physically hungry or emotionally hungry, especially if you have these limiting beliefs or a history of struggling with food. 

So be sure that you’re compassionate with yourself, and also be compassionate with yourself if you struggle to be empathetic to yourself. 

Just take a deep breath and try to feel your stomach. Any signs of hunger there? 

Take another deep breath and notice whether your breath is shallow or your heart is racing. 

We want to tune into our intuition to see whether we are more emotionally hungry or physically hungry. 

Can you tell if you are emotionally hungry or physically hungry?

Take a look at this graphic:

As you can see, physical hunger comes on gradually, whereas emotional hunger is instant. 

When you pause during this first step and notice your physical and emotional feelings, you can become more aware of whether you are physically or emotionally hungry.

Here are some other vital signs of hunger:

• A growling stomach
• Gurgling stomach
• Emptiness in your stomach

Here are some other vital signs of emotional hunger:

• You are eating to feel better or to calm down
• Your ‘mouth’ is hungry for food, but your stomach doesn’t feel any hunger

So, the first step is distinguishing whether you are physically or emotionally hungry.

Again, don’t get caught up in the idea of perfection. Just realize that slowing down and chilling out for a few moments to calm down is the key. 

Remember, safety is the goal of these three steps. Let’s examine the next step. 

Step 2) Safely Making Food Guesses

• If I am physically hungry, am I willing to listen to my food preferences? Food preferences can include taste, texture, or temperature. 
• Am I willing to try a few bites of the food I might want to eat? 
• I am checking in to see if I am allowing myself to be imperfect around food or if I need to be 100% perfect. 
• Am I under any time constraint?

For the first step about food preferences, here are some things you might run through, again without any judgment:

• Texture: Do you desire smooth, crunchy, noodly, solid, or creamy?
• Flavor: Spicy, savory, bitter, salty, sweet?
• Temperature: Hot, cold, warm?

And lastly, are there any time constraints? Do you have a meeting soon? 

If you have a time constraint, can you grab something quick and easy, like a protein bar?

If you do have time to cook or prepare something, here are some foods you may want to consider:

Carbs

• Brown rice
• Whole wheat bread
• Quinoa
• Oatmeal

Proteins

• Chicken
• Meatless Meat like Impossible Burger or Beyond Meat
• Fish

Good Fats (and most of these would also go on the protein list!)

• Peanut butter
• Nuts
• Avocado
• Olive oil
• Eggs
• Yogurt

Veggies

• Spinach
• Broccoli
• Kale
• Brussel Sprouts

Of course, feel free to combine foods, like in these two examples:

• Bananas, with whole brain bread with peanut butter
• Avocado toast or eggs with toast
• Here are other recipes to make if you don’t know what to eat

Step 3) Safely Making Emotional Decisions

• If emotionally hungry, can I take care of myself before turning to food? 
• If I still want food after I take care of myself, can I eat mindfully? 
• Is it ok to prioritize taking care of emotional needs? Or do I feel any sign of needing rest is a sign of failure and weakness?

If, after tuning into hunger, you realize that you’re not hungry but simply stressed out, leave the kitchen and do something else.

You can go for a walk or take a shower. You can journal. Try grounding yourself. 

The key is to calm down first. If you still want food, then check in with yourself.

It’s ok to be emotional, and hungry at the same time. We just want to make sure that you have at least some physical hunger if you eat. 

So, feel safe and calm. Just remember that safety is important with food.